Oh My Engrish (PILOT)
by Steryx the Squirrel Lord
Summary: Just some retard idea after taking new shady drugs from Akashi.
1. PILOT 1

**PREVIEW JE TAU…**

* * *

It was another sunny day at the naval base, quite peaceful and yet, so calm.

Warspite sat on her wheelchair as usual as Admiral Kousaka did not approve her to use the equipment throne look alike for her everyday need. Having a weak keel was really bothersome, that old wound from Jutland really hits the spot. She can walk, she can stand but not for long. She spends most of her time sitting and it was rather unproductive for her.

But being able to read books while watching over the scenic blue ocean before her, it felt different. Apparently, there was nothing wrong about sitting all the time. All she need is some nice quality time with an activity that requires less movement.

Some of the destroyers decided to play modern electronic games with her. She had a hard time playing through the new-fangled devices. The moment they gave her the controller, she has no idea what to do with it. The character she played only spun around and died after got killed. It wasn't just that, she practically not good with 21st century games.

So, instead of having a hard time figuring about the virtual world of noobies, she decided to spend her time reading books while drinking the deliciously brewed black tea while gazing over the blue oceans. It was rather soothing compared to those young and hyperactive destroyers and cruisers yelling around while playing something virtual.

Time has definitely changed.

That's why; she decided to read some books to research the latest terms and lingos of this era.

Admiral Kousaka and everyone had been speaking weirdly with these lingos. Some of them were saying GGWP, GG or whatsoever. To understand what they are saying and get the feeling of up to date, she decided to study what the meanings are. Who knows she could catch up with the time?

As she jot down everything on the notebook while glancing between the Oxford Dictionary, a sudden groaned heard from the corner.

"UUUUGGHHHHHH!" Warspite looked at the source of the voice; she was familiar with that tone. She rolled her eyes towards the source and as expected, it was the Kongou sisters.

"It's okay Onee-sama…" Haruna made a wry smile trying to calm her gloomy looking big sister.

"That ADMIRAL!" Kongou burst out of sudden. "How dare he spend his time with that musclehead Nagato!" steam coming out of her head, fires burning through her eyes and she clenched her fists. "What an idiot!" she grumbled.

Hiei grimaced while putting her hands behind her head, "Geez, he's just there to discuss battle plan…"

"Hiei, he's being lovey-dovey with that musclehead! Can't you see that?!" Kongou argued but Hiei only shook her head. "Ugghhhh, that idiot!"

"Calm down nee-sama." Kirishima patted her sister's shoulder, "Hiei might be telling the truth. Who knows he might be just asking opinions from her?"

Kongou narrowed her eyes and sighed, "Well, he better be! If I caught he's cheating for another woman, I'll bind him tighter than ever!" she yelled loudly down to her heart's content.

"Excuse me?" Warspite called out, all of the Kongous looked at her direction. "You're interrupting my reading session here. Could you please keep it down?" she said softly in Japanese.

The Kongous gasped and the lead ship felt guilty as she realized that she was yapping around and yelling like she got possessed.

Kongou bowed and apologized, "Sorry Warspite-san! Got a little emotional back there!" she admitted, it was raw as hell. Yelling and yapping around as if she saw her husband cheating or something. "Say, aren't you supposed to be playing with those destroyers?"

"Well, I'm not that good with these… PlayStation was what they called?" she pondered remembering what the console's name was as they started conversing in Japanese. "It was hard to play, so I decided to read some books instead." She giggled feeling a little somewhat defeat there with her statement. "Anyways, what's with all the yelling Kongou? What did Admiral do to you?"

Kongou's face puffed and she crossed her arms, her posture was giving off an irritated mood.

"That Admiral, she spends his time with Nagato too much!"

"Oh, isn't that normal? After all, Nagato is the muscle of the fleet. Of course Admiral would ask her opinion when it comes to close range combat." Warspite replied but Kongou refuse to accept her assumptions.

"Oh really? Why did he spend most of his time with Atago? Why did he stroll around the base with the submarine girls? And why did he play with the destroyers? Why not me? Or my sisters?" Kongou reinforced her statement, her eyes are about to wet with tears. She felt emotional and looked away from the dreadnought. "I… I… I'M. STICK OF MEN LIKE THAT!" she yelled in English loudly, declaring it through the airwave.

As soonest she said that, a crow gawked through the sky.

Warspite was taken aback that she just heard 'stick' coming out of her.

"Excuse me Kongou-san… Did you put stick… in him?" Warspite's mind was blurred thinking how Kongou's gonna spoon the admiral when she doesn't have any stick.

Kongou sighed and turned around, "NO. I'm saying I'm STICK of him!" she said again clarifying that she is STICK of Kousaka.

 ***It was 'sick of him' actually***

Warspite was dumbfounded as she paused and lost for a while wondering, what the fuck is she talking about?

Kirishima proceeds to explain, "You see, Kongou nee-san is fed-up with Admiral's behaviour. So, she is STICK of him." Still, the English Queen remained paused and cupped her chin as she thinks of the message she's trying to convey.

Kongou groaned, "Seriously? You're from Britain and you don't know what 'Stick' is?" she scoffed, mocking the English Queen, "You speak English but you have no idea what it means?" She laughed adding the fuel into the fire, "Oh my, what a disgrace. You do know what 'STICK' is, right? You know… When you're tired of that man's behaviour, you will STICK of his attitude. Am I right sisters?" she posed with her busty breasts out.

"Yes, Onee-sama!" her sister said in unison supporting her words.

"Shame on you Warspite, being native English speaker but having no idea what STICK is… As I, an English born returnee has honed my skills only by learning through WeChat…"

As Kongou was busy promoting herself, Warspite took the liberty of researching her words. She opened her trusty Oxford Dictionary and searches the word STICK and she found it. Kongou's words begin to filtered and disappeared instantly. Her eyes focused onto the definition of 'stick' itself. She knew from that moment, Kongou had made a serious mistake. She definitely got the grammars wrong, the definition wrong and moreover, the word itself was WRONG!

She stood up with all her might; she kept an eye onto Kongou and grabbed the Oxford Dictionary. With all her strength, she threw the dictionary.

BAM!

The hard whack hits her shoulder as the former battlecruiser feels the pain stinging through her hulls. Her sisters gasped as soonest they saw this.

Kongou turned around, "Wha-?" she looked at Warspite and then, the dictionary. Seeing the dictionary, she knew what it means. "Did you throw it?"

Out of nowhere, a song played for no reason.

Intense_orchestra_bgm_from_ movies . mp3

Everyone went quiet as the two ship trades glare. heavy breathing intensifies as they exchanged gazes. Dark auras emitted out of her. Kongou sisters simply walked backward, searching for cover while keeping their tab on the intense glaring match as the dramatic music plays. It all started because she uses WeChat.

And thus, the battle to prove whose English is better finally begins.

* * *

Next day,

Today was the day where the naval base has their photo-shoot for their upcoming yearly book. Every shipgirls were ordered to wear decent and clean clothes. They were very excited and even pumped up for the special occasion. Some of them spent 2 hours just to dress up in front of mirror. Some wear thick makeups, some tries to get taller and some… well… just to hide their important assets. However, the main thing is that they were too many of the Japanese shipgirls. With Aoba and Kinugasa the only ones with capable of using highly integrated DSLR, it was hard.

But luckily, they manage to outsource several personnel from the PR division from some navies. Through joint method, it would cut down the time to get all their pictures.

And so, they gathered at the pier for their photo session.

As for a certain cruiser class, they were pumped up as well. Well, one of them is over pumped that is…

"ORRRYYYAAAAHHHH!" Tenryuu cracked her fist. The amount of joyful was screaming out of her heart. "I can barely wait! Oh man, I'm soooo gonna look badass in that pic!" her eyes were all glittered. "Heh, I'll show em' that I'm the scariest of em' all!"

"Geez Tenryuu-chan, are you gonna make that scary face during that photo-shoot?" Tatsuta chimed.

Tenryuu scoffed, "Hell yeah! Of course I'm gonna do it! Heh, I'll show every ships that I'm the fiercest and the strongest Cruisers of em' all!" she boasted thumbing herself. A hint of pride and bighead was emitting out of her.

"Oh my…" Tatsuta Held her cheek, her tone was giving off worried vibe despite retaining her smile. "If you make a scary face, those destroyers are gonna be scared you know?"

Tenryuu paused, imagination sipped into her mind – the reaction of destroyers from the 6th DesDiv was unimaginable. All of them scared to watch it, the face she makes scary. It was like a certain shounen character out of manga when he was possessed by other self. The smile she made is akin to that of kuchisake onna. And the destroyers would be afraid to approach her ever again, and the other cruisers would mock her. Even the other shipgirls would mock her as well. And she'll fell into state of depression.

Tenryuu snapped from her imagination, she felt a little heavy in her chest (lol) and made a fake cough.

"G-Guess you're right Tatsuta… I'll make a normal smile. For the sake of the girls… Yeah, for them."

Tatsuta was glad, good thing she manage to stop her before she makes her scary face.

Did I say funny face?

No, actually… She's trying to make a big wide smile like one of those smiling dog memes despite saying it was a scary face. But really, she's gonna be fucked up by the time the picture got into the magazine and she's gonna be the joke stuff for the whole year. Its gonna be good. In fact Tatsuta was planning to keep it so she can fuck around Tenryuu all the time but seeing her angelic smile is much better than that Heath Ledger's smile. God fucking damnit Tatsuta!

Out of nowhere, JMSDF personnel in full utility uniform came to them with an iPad in his hand.

"Tenryuu class cruisers?"

"Yes, that's us." Tatsuta replied with a charming smile.

"It's your turn. Head to that side." The personnel pointed at the area where a Navy personnel is taking a pic of the Kuma Class Cruisers. "Listen to his instruction, ok?"

Tenryuu grinned, "Fuck yeah, we got it. Let's go Tatsuta."

As they arrived, the sailor was in grey blue-ish mixed digital camo. Obviously some PR guy they picked out of the navies that was assigned to help with this photo-shoot.

"Yo! You're the photographer right?" Tenryuu asked the sailor crudely.

The sailor faced them, apparently, he was apart of Royal Malaysian Navy judging by that name, the branch and that flag patch on his shoulder. Not to mention he wears a glass.

"Yeah, I am the photographer."

Tatsuta giggled, "You have a funny accent."

"Yeah, you are the next shipgirls? Only two of you?"

Tenryuu slapped his shoulder hard, "Heck yeah we are!" it was rather hard for him to take. The sailor rubbed his shoulder that smack was definitely hard. That's a shipgirl for you.

"OOOkayyy. Go stand there and pose together since only you two in this class." The Malaysian sailor pointed at the designated area.

"Sure can do! C'mon Tatsuta!" Her sister heeds and posed next to her. The two make a final setting on their clothes and their looks. "Alright, give it a shot, sailor!"

The Malaysian sailor sets his DSLR, took his position and set the tripod. "Okay, get ready." The sailor sets his lens, aperture and the sharpness of the picture. He noticed that the position was off from his sight. As a photographer, he knew what needs to be done. "Excuse me girls, a little to the left please."

"Oh okay." Tatsuta nodded and Tenryuu followed suit. They moved to the left but the sailor wasn't happy with their decision.

"No, I mean left. To the left okay?" The sailor entered the sight again but the Cruisers are getting out of his frame. "Hey, I said to the left. OK?"

"Oh, OK." Tatsuta and Tenryuu skimmed to the left once more.

"Hey, I said to the left. You know which left I'm saying?" the cruisers jumped to the left. The sailor started to get irritated, "I SAID LEFT. THAT IS RIGHT. I SAID LEFT! YOU KNOW WHICH ONE IS LEFT?!" The sailor's tone changed, he looked irritated now.

Tatsuta and Tenryuu glanced at each other. They're moving to the left as what he said! The two makes a single step to the left. This prompts the photographer to raise his voice.

"HEY!" the two was shocked after his warning. "I said focus on me!" he said. "Focus on me, f-f-focus on me, Focus on me, f-f-focus on me" and out of nowhere, he sang one of the line from Ariana Grande's 'Focus'. And he was quite proud while saying it. And so back to the main point.

"Okay, okay, we're moving to the left." Tenryuu said as she and her sister takes another step to the left.

"WOI! I SAID LEFT! THAT IS MOVING RIGHT!" he yelled back in broken English. Their actions are getting an itch on his back, this is seriously annoying. The sailor reaches his back and scratches his shoulder with his index and middle finger. These two really gets his…

Wait…

Scratching back…

With two fingers…

Shoulder…

HOREY SHIET! ITS A SECRET SIGN! ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED!

HERESY!

Anyways, back to the point.

"I said left god damnit! LEEFFFTTT!" the sailor yelled but the Tenryuus kept stepping to the left. "Haisshhhh, I'm tired of your shit."

Tenryuu snapped, "We're the ones who's tired of your shit!" she barked.

The Malaysian Sailor sighed deeply seeing their stupid behavior is getting his blood boiled. When he said left, they step to the right. What an idiot shipgirls. Seeing the tomboy chuuni girl yelled back at him, he started packing his tripod. How dare he got mad at him.

 ***Technically, he didn't say who's left it was so, he's the idiot***

Before he left, he left a message to the girls. "OK girls, listen to me. I'm trying to finish my job here; I got other shipgirls want to have their pictures in the year book, okay? I'm tired of your shit. I had enough of your stupidity. OK?" it was harsh, Tenryuu and Tatsuta really wanna rip this guy's head off but they couldn't because he had a point (lol). "You know what? I will take a picture of you girls along with those tiny cute destroyer class in one frame later, alright?" as he about to leave with his camera set, he noticed something. "Ey, wait a minute… You two are that scary cruisers, kan?"

Tenryuu and Tatsuta delighted as the guy noticed them.

Tenryuu scoffed, putting her hands on her hips and chest puffing out. "Heh, hell yeah we are! Fufu, ya' scared?"

As they are expecting a humble apology and the frightened look on his face, the sailor gave different reaction.

"Ohh…" he nodded and give an evil looking face, "SILA TENGGELAM." He said sternly before leaving the site. Once again, Tenryuu and Tatsuta fell into deep silent. "Really, I'm tired of your shit, god damnit…" he said as he leaves the scene.

Tenryuu and Tatsuta only shook their head as they gazed onto the Malaysian sailor. This guy really deserves to be chopped off… However, deep down their heart, they were still hurt by his words. They were definitely stupid. (LOL)

* * *

 **Hoped you enjoyed with this stupid retard fic. If you don't understand, it's okay.**

 **If you don't like it, its okay. Because you're Putang Ina mo.**

 **Also...**

 **Sila Tenggelam = Pls sink/I hope you sink**

 **And I might continue this shit... Maybe?**


	2. PILOT 2

_Now we return tooooo… 'ARE YOU A TEITOKU?!'_

 _*BGM plays in the background*_

 _The camera manned by the Kinugasa swivels around the audiences revealing amount of shipgirls in the area before turning towards the podium where two people are sitting on a chair while everything looked so fancy. One of them was the host…_

The host tilted her head towards the camera, "Hello and welcome back to 'Are You a Teitoku?', we're here with Admiral Rouka who had just won the 2 Billion question!" another clapping and cheering all over the studio. Gotta be honest here, Aoba looks so hawt in that evening goon. Seriously, those cleavages! And the guy sitting opposite of her is Admiral, so whatever. "Admiral Rouka, you're the first contestant to ever reach this level. None of the previous contestant manages to reach 1 million worth of question. How do you feel right now?"

Admiral Rouka cleared his throat, "Well, I feel…"

"AND NOW WE'RE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT QUESTION!" Aoba yelled. The cheers and claps roared across the studio filled with girlishly voices.

The admiral was speechless; he didn't even finish his sentence and he didn't even get to convey his feelings. But really, who gives a fuck?

"Fuck the shitty admiral!" Akebono yelled.

Soon, all the voices subsided as Aoba talks.

"Okay, we are now bringing the stakes higher." Aoba's tone changed. This time, she sounds professionally once again adding the hint of thrill and heart throbbing intense feeling. "Now, you are now moving on to the next question. The question worth…" The giant screen behind them shows a chart, where there are several panels with numbers on it. The highlighter rises onto the next panel where the 2 Billion's panel dimmed. "2.6 Billion." Chatters and murmurs started around the audiences, their loud voices could be heard. "If choose the correct answer for this question; you will get an extra thousands of resources."

Admiral widened in disbelieve, the pressure just build up in his head.

"So, you think you can do it, Admiral?"

Admiral Rouka took a deep breathe and exhaled deeply, "Heck yeah, I can do this! Let's go!" soon, the cheers backed him up as he was all fired up.

"SILA MENINGGAL, SHITTY ADMIRAL!" Akebono yelled in Malay.

"Alright, here's the question." Aoba's eyes narrowed, giving off an evil smirk. "The 2.6 billion question." Right in the monitor and the giant screen, the question revealed before them, Aoba reads the question in the card in her hand. "Now, here's how it goes. This is how the 2.6 Billion question goes – Would you 'nakedly associate' with the loli destroyers?" Aoba's smile broadened even more as if she had something hidden in her plans. "Choose wisely admiral." The atmosphere once again, has grown intense.

 _Would you 'nakedly associate' with the loli destroyers?_

 _A. Yes_

 _B. I would love too_

 _C. Fuck yeah, I'mma lolicon!_

 _D. All of the above_

Admiral Rouka smiled and tilted his head to the side seeing that he already knew the answer. His boner was going up breaking through the roof and that smile; it's kinda like Ainsley Harriot's 'give your meat a good ol rub!' or something like that… Admiral Rouka knew the answer.

* * *

 **Another preview of my retard fic.**

 **SILA MENINGGAL = PLS DIE**

 **My full release might be in a few weeks but it depends.**


End file.
